Shaenon K. Garrity ([info]shaenon) wrote,
@ 2008-05-07 20:17:00
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Entry tags:tony stark's chest

Iron Man
I have to admit, the part I enjoyed the most was making fun of Tony Stark's chest.

You know, Tony Stark's chest is 99% effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy.

Tony Stark's chest does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases.

Tony Stark's chest should not be taken by women with a history of heart problems, or women who are trying to get pregnant.

Please advise your doctor if you are taking Tony Stark's chest, as it can cause complications when combined with other medications.

Some women prefer the Today sponge to Tony Stark's chest.

Tony Stark's chest can also help clear up your skin!


The best part was when he upgraded to the newer version of Tony Stark's chest that eliminates periods. Then he had to go back to the old one because he was having hormonal problems.


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[info]2ce
2008-05-08 03:38 am UTC (link)
And we still don't have Tony Stark's chest for men.

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[info]kiplet
2008-05-08 03:48 am UTC (link)
Okay, that did it.

(Refrains from pointing out the Rhodey-Stark SLASHARRIFICK, as that reminds us all of the scene in the plane, which had the motherfucking stripper pole? What?)

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[info]garrun
2008-05-08 11:33 am UTC (link)
Fear the almighty power of Rule 34.

Gah. Remind me not to read LJ first thing in the morning... I am going to be shuddering with horror all day now.

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[info]shaenon
2008-05-08 04:53 pm UTC (link)
(Refrains from pointing out the Rhodey-Stark SLASHARRIFICK, as that reminds us all of the scene in the plane, which had the motherfucking stripper pole? What?)

Possible side effects of Tony Stark's chest include depression, hormonal surges, and stripper poles. If stripper poles persist, consult your doctor.

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[info]dvandom
2008-05-08 03:57 am UTC (link)
And most importantly, "It's not pus."

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[info]sirspamdalot
2008-05-08 03:59 am UTC (link)
I just wish that, for once, women would stop judging a man by his chest and focus instead on the person inside.

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[info]dvandom
2008-05-08 04:21 am UTC (link)
How about focusing on the inside of his chest?

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[info]madscott
2008-05-08 04:26 am UTC (link)
I don't know what I was going to say but this post wins!

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[info]billfl
2008-05-08 04:34 am UTC (link)
Seek immediate assistance if Tony Stark's chest lasts longer than four hours.

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[info]ladybrick
2008-05-08 04:56 am UTC (link)
Tony Stark's chest will soon be available for $4 at your local Walmart.

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[info]directordale
2008-05-08 11:08 am UTC (link)

Heh. That's funny. Though Iron Man still seems like it can have large bit of being a neo-con fantasy and that is disturbing. What did you think? It does seem to be very heavy on the idea of America finally making good in our Middle East debacles and having cool toys (er technology) that say who is a good guy and who is a bad guy.

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[info]shaenon
2008-05-08 04:52 pm UTC (link)

Well, if you're doing an Iron Man movie, it has to embrace a right-wing worldview, because he's a right-wing superhero. I mean, he's a super-wealthy weapons manufacturer. That said, the movie hedges its bets politically, often in wishy-washy ways. The bad guys are evil Arabs! But Iron Man only fights them to protect good Arabs! Who are engaged in some poorly-defined Middle Eastern conflict that definitely doesn't involve the United States, except that we sold them weapons, a problem that can only be solved by making a better weapon for blowing the old weapons up...and the big bad guys (Obidiah Stane and Stark Industries) represent the American military-industrial complex, but so do the big good guys (Tony Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D.).

As the Iraq conflict crumbles, I wonder if we'll start seeing more action movies pandering to our fantasies of uncomplicated American military awesomeness, like the Rambo movies post-Vietnam. Wait, they're already making another Rambo movie. I guess that answers that question.

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[info]directordale
2008-05-08 05:47 pm UTC (link)

Another Rambo movie? Didn't one just come out this winter about Rambo kicking ass in Burma/Myanmar? Which kind of makes it a left-wing and right-wing Rambo movie.

I think as Iraq gets worse and the economy goes further south (and I think it will) There is a good chance that we will see a bunch of movies with nationalistic themes that play on the fantasies when America was the only superpower. It's part of why WWII and The Greatest Generation are so mythologized because it was the last time that America was a true hero in the world. Though I also think that there could be a resurrgence in New Deal/Great Society liberalism so it goes both ways.

There is a guy on LJ I read named theferrett. He is a solid liberal but he certainly yearns for an age where America has our WWII glory and he loved Iron Man because it played into this fantasy. He is also enough of a fanboy that he might have a hard time going not liking a comic book movie. But we are entering or living in a post-American world where the EU, China, and Russia, and maybe India are going to be equally strong global powers and that is going to be very upsetting for a lot of people.



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[info]khyungbird
2008-05-09 06:51 pm UTC (link)
Like everyone else, I haven't seen the new Rambo movie, but I respect it for its unapologetically anti-Myanmar theme. (The U.S. military hasn't done anything against the awful Myanmar government as far as I know, so the fantasy of going in there and kicking ass for the forces of good is untainted by harsh realism.)

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[info]assmonkeydiary
2008-05-08 02:07 pm UTC (link)
Women who are pregnant or may become pregnant should not handle Tony Stark's chest.

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[info]demiurgent
2008-05-08 02:55 pm UTC (link)
In the event that Tony Stark's chest is unavailable or has expired and you find yourself engaged in sexual activity. James Rhodes's chest can be procured at any pharmacy. If taken within seventy two hours, James Rhodes's chest has proven effective at preventing pregnancy.

Please remember that neither Tony Stark's chest nor James Rhodes's chest prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Obidiah Stane's chest plate is meant for enhancement and does not constitute protection.

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[info]chanlemur
2008-05-08 03:53 pm UTC (link)
Okay, I was handling this whole thread pretty well until that last sentence there. Thanks a lot, Burns. Like I need even more nightmare fuel than I already have...

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[info]_fluffy
2008-05-08 05:56 pm UTC (link)
Side effects of Tony Stark's chest include dizziness, nausea, and dry mouth, similar to a sugar pill.

If you experience sleepwalking or intense sexual urges while using Tony Stark's chest, discontinue use and talk to your doctor.

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[info]andrewfarago
2008-05-08 07:17 pm UTC (link)
If you consume more than seven alcoholic beverages a day, please consult your doctor before taking Tony Stark's chest.

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[info]garrun
2008-05-09 03:14 am UTC (link)
Considering the source, one would think that Tony Stark's Chest IS seven alcoholic beverages... at a minimum.

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[info]garrun
2008-05-09 03:15 am UTC (link)
Users of Tony Stark's chest should not operate heavy machinery.

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[info]nsingman
2008-05-09 01:35 pm UTC (link)
Okay, Shaenon, I'm afraid you've earned this with all those gratuitous chest comments. I want you to imagine that I, according to my interests, have created a comic and specified the physical attributes of the characters. And the name of the comic is:

Iron Woman

Is there enough iron in the world?
:-)

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[info]shaenon
2008-05-09 04:45 pm UTC (link)

Whenever they made that comic in the 1990s, which was often, they ended up using very, very little iron. Or material of any kind.

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eWFkWbKREIrTK
(Anonymous)
2008-05-09 01:58 pm UTC (link)
xxvDcN hi nice site thx http://peace.com

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Re: eWFkWbKREIrTK
[info]garrun
2008-05-09 06:59 pm UTC (link)
Use of Tony Stark's chest may result in increased levels of spam? *sigh*

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(Anonymous)
2008-05-09 07:36 pm UTC (link)
Be sure to check the string in Tony Stark's chest after every period. To do this, insert a finger into Tony Stark's chest and feel. You should be able to feel the thin, plastic string coming out of the opening.

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OhdiBEIwjPDoNnTia
(Anonymous)
2008-05-10 08:55 am UTC (link)
5nJxc4 sd9fj41dkg0ckahr82y4

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