Shaenon K. Garrity ([info]shaenon) wrote,
@ 2007-12-29 23:33:00
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Entry tags:poky little puppies

Morals of the Little Golden Books
The Tawny Scrawny Lion: Vegetarian diets are fattening.
Scuffy the Tugboat: You may think you're destined for bigger and better things, but you're so wrong, loser.
Tootle: Trains are totally easy to trick. (This is also the moral of many episodes of "Thomas the Tank Engine.")
The Poky Little Puppy: That weird Asperger-y kid may seem like a harmless nuisance, but watch out, because he's probably plotting to steal your chocolate custard.
(Additional bonus moral: If you're going to write the bestselling children's book of all time, hold out for better than a $75 flat fee.)
The Saggy Baggy Elephant: Don't listen to asshole parrots.
The Shy Little Kitten: Cats eat carrots.


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[info]serrana
2007-12-30 05:06 am UTC (link)
Additional bonus post-parenting moral: it is perfectly acceptable to refuse to read some children's books for the eighty-seventh time, and The Poky Little Puppy TOTALLY falls into that category.

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(Anonymous)
2008-01-01 08:13 pm UTC (link)
Luckily, my daughter has no tolerance for "the poky little puppy" (she much prefers "Caps for Sale"), so I haven't had to gouge my eyes out yet. Is that *really* the best-selling children's book of all time? Why?

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[info]serrana
2008-01-01 08:28 pm UTC (link)
Because they sell it in drug stores, I think. Also people remember having it read to them as children.

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[info]arcana_j
2007-12-30 05:08 am UTC (link)
The author of The Poky Little Puppy only got $75?

HO LEE SHIT.

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[info]fairest1
2007-12-30 05:13 am UTC (link)
Moral of Goodnight Moon: A good technique for delaying going to bed is to insist on saying 'Goodnight' to every single object in your room (and, if needed, the house).

Moral of The Cat in the Hat: It's okay to let that stray cat in while Mom's gone. It will totally clean up the mess it's making before she gets back.

Moral of Green Eggs and Ham: That meat that's been in the fridge long enough that it's green and kinda fuzzy? Delicious

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[info]dvandom
2007-12-30 05:41 am UTC (link)
Moral of something like half of Dr. Seuss's catalog: be satisfied with what you have.

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[info]zenfrodo
2007-12-30 06:30 am UTC (link)
Moral of "The Monster At The End of The Book": Grover does some serious drugs.

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[info]basil_jelly
2007-12-30 08:08 am UTC (link)
Let me guess. Your at your parents and doing the Aunt Shaenon thing?

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[info]shaenon
2007-12-30 07:36 pm UTC (link)
Andrew's parents. He's got little nieces now.

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(Anonymous)
2007-12-31 12:13 am UTC (link)
Close enough Auntie Shaenon.
b

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[info]unrendered
2007-12-30 10:28 am UTC (link)
Lovely post.

Additional moral of "The Tawny Scrawny Lion": don't eat animals because they are people too, except fish.

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[info]docmanhattan
2007-12-30 02:58 pm UTC (link)
Moral of The Little Red Hen: the fruits of labor belong to the proletariat. Blatant propaganda, but a much more palatable book than The Little White Hen: "Who will take this ice axe from my skull?" asked the Little White Hen.

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[info]_fluffy
2007-12-30 07:44 pm UTC (link)
The Shy Little Cabbit?

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(Anonymous)
2007-12-31 01:40 am UTC (link)
How about Disney movies?

Dumbo: Get drunk and the solution will present itself
Bambi: If you don't listen to mom, she'll die
Alice in Wonderland: Don't eat the 'shrooms, man

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very funny!
(Anonymous)
2008-02-28 05:22 am UTC (link)
we don't know you, but your take on these punishingly painful childrens books is right on!

Pete & Rosie

PS Bonus moral from the shy little kitten: Eating a bee is hilarious!

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